I had several other college professors that did not deliver the same experience for me. Theirs were classes that I dreaded and felt lost in -- I wasn't encouraged to take risks and often was instead penalized for the ones I did take. I just could not measure up and it did not make me want to try to get better.
That was my first experience in understanding the importance of the classroom culture that the teacher sets, though I didn't have the language to talk about it at the time -- I just knew I didn't "like" the class and my grades reflected that.
As Rita Pierson once said, "kids don't learn from people they don't like.
This video gives me all the feels.*
I am thankful that those college professors were not the foundation of my entire education. I had enough strong, caring teachers behind me that I knew those classes were not my whole story.
Now that I'm a teacher, I'm made freshly aware of how important it is for learners to have people that believe in and call out the best from them.
I'm lucky, you see, because I have some administrators that believed in me from the very start -- they saw something in me that I'm not entirely sure was really there. I look back on my first year of teaching and cringe -- it was not good, but I was allowed to grow.
My admin questioned my choices and practices in ways that allowed me an opportunity to find the answer, made time to meet with me for follow-up questions, and made it clear that we were in this teaching-thing together.
Last year was my third year of teaching, a pretty important year for formal observations -- those observations determined whether or not I would continue to have a job and would ultimately receive tenure, a bit of a stamp of approval, if you will. I had the same admin from year two to year three, so he knew what I was bringing to the table and where I was weak. Throughout the year, I worked incredibly hard -- redoing basically every lesson I had to make each one more engaging, better skills-focused, more aligned with the end goals. By my third observation -- the big one -- I was mentally and emotionally gearing up for a final. Surely I would need to prove in this last observation that I had grown in ALLOFTHETHINGS that I needed to, right? There had to be some bar that I could pass -- a very clear, objective pass or fail system, preferably with a letter grade so I would know how much more I needed to improve.
Instead, what I found was an administrator who trusted me and well, basically told me to calm down. The lesson being observed -- as little direct instruction as it had -- was about what I wanted to continue to grow in; he was there to serve me.
Yesterday I started my fourth year of teaching, fully tenured and part of a school for which I am so grateful. It's a surreal feeling. I can say that I've grown a lot ---heaps, loads, reams, tons, etc. -- as a teacher, and I've taken risks in my classroom that eventually bore fruit. My "low-level" students are doing good, high-quality analytical work, and I was allowed to figure out how to get them there (and assisted quite a bit, thanks to some seriously above-and-beyond media center staff). I can tell you that it was a very messy process that involved reworking large chunks of curriculum every single trimester. But, I think because I was believed in by the people in my corner, I knew that I could eventually get my students there.
I only hope that my students get the same message from me. After all, "you say it long enough, it starts to become a part of you."
*Things you should know about me having all the feels:
1) There are quite a few things that I feel very deeply, particularly in working with the people that I do. The world is a heart-breaking place.
2) I am a reflective processor and a bit stunted in my emotional-verbal skills, thus I often feel betrayed by words, so I don't talk about all the feels. This, to me, feels a bit ironic, which you may be thinking as you skim the multitude of words on this page.
3) Because of the above, my having deep emotional throes often don't get verbalized until I have analyzed and have the most accurate words to use. Then, it comes out in a neat little package that probably doesn't really reflect the true nature of having all the feels.
4) I worry this makes me seem like a robot. Or, perhaps, someone who is a little shallow/surface-level, most of the time. I'm working on it.
5) When I am feeling low and need to be revved up, I often listen to/watch slam poetry. Then I believe again that the world can be changed. Words are powerful, man. This Rita Pierson video, though not slam poetry, makes it into that rotation. Alex Dang!, Joshua Bennet, and Rudy Francisco are favorites.
6) This deviation has been brought to you today by the letter "F."
